Radical Audacity in Love & Life with Tiphany Kane

3 Important Lessons that Fear Teaches Us (Tiph Talks)

June 17, 2022 Tiphany Kane Season 2 Episode 105
Radical Audacity in Love & Life with Tiphany Kane
3 Important Lessons that Fear Teaches Us (Tiph Talks)
Show Notes Transcript

Some people say they need to let fear go or push past fear or ignore fear to be able to grow. But I disagree. I think fear is a vital form of communication from our inner knowing. Fear may be telling us:

  1.  Danger! Danger! I am in mortal danger right now and I need to fight, run away or freeze and play dead. But this usually is not the fear we are talking about when it comes to our personal growth.
  2. I need more information on this situation. i do not know enough right now to make a clear decision. This is valuable informations and can help us to take action to gather the necessary information before we take action.
  3.  (This is the most common when it comes to personal growth) I am about to grow in a massive way and this feels scary for me. All my dreams and the things I have worked so hard to achieve may actually be coming true. EEEEK!!!! This is the most common lesson from fear and this is when you know you can move through the fear.

If you would like help either gathering more information about what your fear is telling you or moving through the fear to meet your dreams- I would love to be on that journey with you! I am opening up just a few spots in My Heck Yes! Mastermind Group. Click on the link below to get on the waitlist and schedule a discovery call with me.

Heck Yes! Mastermind Application
DM me on IG @tiphanykane
Check out my website: www.tiphanykane.com
Read the article in Authority Magazine on Overcoming the Fear of Failure

Listen to Katrina McGhee's podcast episode- do you want to come on our retreat?

Welcome to the radical audacity podcast. I'm Tiphany Kane, your host on this podcast, you are going to meet people that walk their own path, live life on their own terms. Let go of other people's rules and expectations and the shoulds in life. And instead live life in their own. Integrity and authenticity.

This podcast will give you the inspiration you need to live your own radically audacious life. Enjoy the episode. Hello everyone. Welcome to another special episode of radical audacity. These are the episodes I like to call Tiphany's Titillating Talks, where I come to you about some topics that I feel are important to discuss, and I'm gonna be doing more of these types [00:01:00] of discussions with you.

I'm finding that I'm getting some really great feedback from you. Dear listener. With my solo episodes, you're enjoying hearing them and you're interacting really beautifully with them. So I thought I would come on a little more often with these solo episodes. Today. I wanna talk about a topic that has been coming up so very much in multiple coaching sessions that I have done this idea of.

Fear of failure has come up and being scared has come up. And in these coaching sessions, I have had people say to me, oh, I know I just need to get over my fear. I know I just need to get over being scared. And my answer to them may surprise you. And I want to [00:02:00] talk about that today. Do we really need to get over our fear?

is fear. Something we get over is being scared. Something we get over. Oh, I have. Very strong, passionate feelings about this. You guys know that I was interviewed for authority magazine, um, regarding the fear of failure, how we overcome the fear of failure. And I think the concept of overcoming the fear of failure is very, very different than I need to get over the fear of failure.

And here's why I think there is a big difference. , we are always going to have fears, always. We're going to always be afraid of failing always. And my friends. I think that's a good thing. It can often be a very big motivating factor. We don't wanna [00:03:00] fail. So we're gonna work our Pookies off to make sure that whatever it is we're doing, we do well.

Right. So it can be a really motivating factor, but I wanna go deeper. I wanna go deeper with this concept of the fear of failure. Failure is an or fear. I'm sorry. Fear of failure is an emotion. It is something we think about it that brings deep feelings inside us. And when we have this fear, I think it's good for us to explore it and to figure out where it's coming.

I am absolutely not one of those people that says be happy and cheerful all the time. Everything is great. Put on a smile, fake it till you make it. I am not one of those people. I am a put on your big girl [00:04:00] panties and let's do this thing, but that, that doesn't mean we're not facing our emotions at all.

So. Here's what I mean by embracing this fear of failure, fear is an emotion that is communicating something to you. And if you listen to it and you are curious about it, and this is the key, my friends, to be curious, if you are curious about this fear of failure, then that curiosity. Can tell you so very much, for example, as you dig into this fear of failure, it might be telling you one of maybe three or four things.

So perhaps this fear of failure is saying, you know what? You're in a situation that actually is dangerous for you. [00:05:00] You are putting your livelihood at risk. You're putting your life at risk. You are endangering yourself in some way. And then in that sense, fear of failure can be a lifesaver in a sense, right?

now most of the times, these fears of failure that we have are not necessarily life threatening type of situations. And so being curious about it, might tell us, oh, you have a fear of failure because you actually need to learn more about this. You need to explore more about this situation. So for example, I have wanted to be an entrepreneur for most of my life, and there's been a certain fear with it, with being an entrepreneur.

Uh, I was in a career that as you guys know was something I call up. Bookend career. This teaching career [00:06:00] had start times stop times paid benefits. I knew when my vacation would be, I knew what my retirement would be. Right. Very bookend. And when you're an entrepreneur, you don't have those bookends, but. I grew up with an entrepreneurial father and I grew up with a really strong entrepreneurial spirit.

And so being in a bookend job while it was absolutely wonderful and served me for 20 years. Did not feed my soul the way it needed to be fed. And so for the last few years, I have felt this strong, strong call to be an entrepreneur, but I definitely had a lot of fear around it. I wasn't sure how to make it work.

I wasn't sure what to do. I wasn't sure the steps. And so that. Fear was really, really good for me because it told me I needed to learn more. And so I did, I worked with a coach who helped me to define what I was going to [00:07:00] do as a business and helped me find my strength and my courage and. And that was so important.

So that fear told me something really valuable that I needed to learn more. And so I did. So is your fear telling you that you need to learn more? now the trick here is to not allow that, mm. I need to learn more to turn into procrastination and perfectionism because we will never know enough. At some point you have to jump right.

And that is scary and brings up all kinds of fears. And we'll talk about that more in a minute. Okay. So number one, the fear could be telling you, Ooh, this is a dangerous situation. Pay attention to it. And maybe you wanna go on another path. Number two, this fear may be telling you, Hmm, you may not have enough information.

You may need to learn more. You may need to dig more. You may need to get a coach. You may need to take a class. [00:08:00] You may need to explore this concept more because you're not quite ready. And number three, and I do believe this is the most common that fear might be telling you, oh my goodness, you are on the precipice of massive expansion.

and that my friends is the most common and that is the one that keeps us frozen in place. It is easy to take the steps to learn more. If you're in that second form of fear, it is easy to change paths and directions. If you're in that first form of fear where it's life threatening, but when you are on the precipice of massive growth oh.

We can get frozen in that fear. Right. And shoving that fear down in that situation does zero. Good. It's not going to help [00:09:00] you move forward. All it's going to do is keep you frozen because what you need to do is come to terms with yourself and then move through that fear. so one of my lovely coaching clients I was meeting with, um, I'll call her Ray.

Is on that precipice, right? She's about to launch her podcast. She's about to launch some coaching programs and she's just feeling a ton of fear. And she was one of the people that said, oh, I know I just need to move past this fear. I just need to, to push it away, shove it away and just need to. Do this thing.

And I said, well, hold up a minute here, Ray, hold up just a second. What if we got curious about this fear? What if we looked at it deeper? What is this fear trying to tell you? And so we did. We dug deeper. And what she realized was her fear was telling her how [00:10:00] very close she was to all of her dreams coming true.

And she is someone that has battled cancer. And has come out of it and has completely changed her life. And now here she is on this precipice of launching her podcast and her coaching programs and so many exciting things happening. And her health is good. She just got really great feedback from her doctor and she feels so much fear.

And that's actually a beautiful fear because she realizes she's almost. She is most there. Her dreams are about to come true. And it's like that good Willy Wonka saying of be careful what you wish for, because all of your dreams just may come true. or be careful what you dream about. Cause all your dreams may come true.

I think I just butchered that Willy won this saying, but I think you guys get [00:11:00] me. The idea is that for most of us, we love dreaming. We love imagining, but when we're on the precipice of those dreams coming true, it's like, oh my goodness, this is everything I've ever dreamed about. What if. It does come true and all those, what ifs come creeping in?

What if it's not everything I hoped it would be? What if I'm not successful at these dreams? What if I can't actually make this happen for me? What if this is my one chance? And that's where those fears come in, those crazy. What ifs take over our brain and our mind. And that's when. We move through the fear and we say, okay, what ifs?

I hear you. I see you. Okay. You are trying to protect me and I get it, but I am strong. , [00:12:00] this is where we put our big girl panties on. Right. I am strong. I can do this. I've got this. I know whatever the outcome is of me going through or going after my dreams. I know. That I am going to be bigger, better, stronger, more knowledgeable at the end of this.

Even if it doesn't turn out to be everything I had hoped there's gonna be so many rich experiences I get from going after my dreams and just. Jumping. And so we move through that fear of failure. Sometimes it feels like big, giant sticky mud. Sometimes it feels like going through a fog storm. Sometimes it feels like, you know, your mouth stuck full of cotton balls, and you're just having to move through this situation, but move through what we can.

One step at a time. and this is [00:13:00] where I feel a coach is super valuable. This is when I seek out coaches and I'm always working with coaches. I think coaching is one of the most valuable things I've done in my life. And it's why I love coaching now myself, because you often need. A guide as you're moving through this fear of failure, as you're on the precipice, as you're trying the next thing out, and a coach only holds the mirror up to what you have inside you.

The coach cannot give you empowerment, cannot give you strength, cannot fix your wounds. Cannot. Fix what, you know, you're, you're not broken and a coach doesn't need to fix you. I am strongly believe in that. That is not the place of a coach. A coach is simply to be there by your side, helping you to have that strength inside yourself.

It's much [00:14:00] like. When somebody is running a marathon or an ultra-marathon, they will often have what's called Pacers. And what these Pacers do is help that runner have a good sense of where they are in the race, what pace they need to be running. And it's just somebody keep an eye on 'em to say, mm, you might need a break right now.

Uh, why don't you take a drink of water? This might be a good time to eat right now. That pacer is not giving the runner strength that pacer did not do the training for the runner. Could the runner do the race without the pacer? Probably. Um, it's just nice to have that person there beside you letting you know, you have the strength inside you letting you know, you can do this, letting you know it's time for a break or it's time to push or something along those lines.

And so that's the job of a coach. So if you find yourself in that place [00:15:00] where you are moving through that fear of failure, you're in that place. Number three, where you're on the precipice, you are ready to jump and you need to coach to help you. I would love. To work with you. I would love to hold that mirror up and show you the magnificence inside you.

I think I have a, a special gift. I'm able to see that inside people and, and help them to look in the mirror and see it inside themselves as well. Also, if you're in that second situation. Where you do have a fear of failure and you need to learn more. I am really great at helping you to discover those areas that you need to learn more and exploring those with you and helping you to find the resources.

So I'm here. I would love to work with you. I am starting a [00:16:00] coaching. Practice. Well, not starting, I've had a coaching practice going, but I'm solidifying it a little bit more. I'm offering limited one-on-one coaching sessions that will have we'll have our one-on-one coaching. And then we will also have a monthly mastermind where all my one-on-one coaching clients get to come together and meet each other.

It's a really exciting experience where you'll. To meet other women that are on their precipice and you get to inspire each other, which I think is fabulous. So if you are interested in something like that, there is an application in the. Um, show notes. It's a mastermind application. Fill that out. I would love to work with you.

And then my one-on-one clients that are also gonna be part of this [00:17:00] mastermind. We're gonna be doing a retreat. Yes. You heard the word retreat. You will get the opportunity to participate in a fantastic. I just met with my friend and fellow coach, Katrina McGee. She was a guest on this podcast. I will link her in the show notes as well.

Um, Katrina is a sabbatical coach and a, she helps people figure out how do you take a job break? How do you take a break from your job? How do you take a sabbatical and really. A rich life during that sabbatical and then go back to have a rich career. So she is amazing. And she and I are doing a retreat together.

She's also a world traveler and she inspires me so much and it's going to be in January and it will be in a warm, beautiful lush, tropical location details are currently being [00:18:00] ironed out. I can't wait to tell you when we finally do iron out those details. So that is another. Exciting opportunity. If you are a one-on-one coaching person with me, if you're getting one-on-one coaching with me and you're also in that mastermind, then, uh, you will have the opportunity to attend this retreat.

So I can't wait to hear from you. I can't wait to hear. What fears of failure you're currently working on moving through and I, I am. So looking forward to working with you, I hope you have an absolutely beautiful day.